I’ve been doing some research…

Looking into the meaning of what goes through a guys mind when he kisses you on the top of your head.

Obviously they can’t tell me exactly what my ex was thinking, and it wasn’t just the kiss that made me hopeful, it’s the way he cradled me, held me close to his chest and let my arm latch across his body. And we lay on the bed like that for a good few minutes, I honestly wish I knew what was going through his head at that point, or intact… I might not have wanted to know.

But with all the digging I’ve been doing, experts say that it’s a great sign of tenderness, respect, affection and I’m sure I saw somewhere that it could mean he was being protective, because in all honesty, it felt as though he was protecting me… I don’t know what from, but he definitely was. 

Of course it isn’t all sexual, he could just care for me deeply and care for me as a friend, but we’ve only been friends whilst we were in the relationship together. We got to know each other properly when we were dating, whilst we had intense feelings for one another, and we became friends through our relationship, he was the person I told absolutely everything to, yet I could also have whenever I wanted sexually. Our relationship worked so well. 

There’s also an upside to this though, experts say that he could still like me but is too shy to aim for my lips. 

I don’t know, why would he make so much effort to come to a party in which nobody knew if he was definitely coming to just to talk to me? And why would he let me hug him for so long? Why would he hug me for so long?! 

I just got so nervous around him, the sick feeling came back, I felt good whenever I made him laugh or smile. 

Ugh, if I work my arse off at work and concentrate on my college work, and forget about guys for a bit (or try to), would the universe be so spectacularly kind to me? I promise to do anything I can to do good for the world to get this guy back. I would do anything for him, absolutely anything.

I’ve not posted in a while.

I’ve actually been busy, working my arse off.

And taking my mind off of social networking on Facebook, because I’m not sure but my ex might have deleted me. I don’t even want to see if he has.

Ugh, I miss him so much still. My friend accidentally brought him up in conversation the other day, basically just saying that he’s officially starting his Police training in January. He knew how much I fancied the thought of him in a Police outfit, and helping people.

I just feel as though I should be with him whilst he’s going through all of this, he was with me when I had the chance to do my ideal job for 8 days whilst someone else was off. His whole family wished me luck and everything. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried talking to other guys, but the conversations have just stopped dead because there’s nothing to talk about with these guys, they’re not interested in what I’m doing. They’re not talkative enough to keep the conversation going, I’ve tried my hardest recently with one guy but it’s seriously so hard to get conversation out of him when he’s answering my texts with 5 words.

Boys are literally alien to me, I don’t understand their thought processes or why they think about the things they do.

Uggggghhhhhhhh!

I just really want my ex back, I know I can make him so happy right now, I’m doing things which means I have things to talk about with him. He’s just so stubborn though! So hopefully this Saturday when I get ridiculously drunk yet again, I’m just going to drunk text him saying congratulations and good luck with the Police, it’s the most I can do with us not talking and what not. But I’m going to try and be the bigger person and say something first. Even though it was practically always me at the end and after our relationship.

I also noticed that his brother’s fiancee liked something on my Facebook, so clearly she still wants to keep in touch which would be fantastic! I actually love the lady, she’s so incredible and funny, I got on so well with her and his family all recognised that, and she always told me how she never really got on with any of my ex’s girlfriends.

It just seemed to be perfect that relationship, we suit each other so well. 

Fizzy tummy.

I hadn’t gotten this feeling in a good month or so, and no I haven’t moved on, the complete opposite actually.

My ex never uses twitter, the last time he used it we were still talking, and that was over a month ago now, suddenly he started retweeting other people. As soon as I saw his name, my body just started doing things it would have done if I was going on a first date. The fizziness came rushing into my stomach, my breathing became much stronger, I was blushing. It’s not as though I’ve spoke to him, it’s just the fact that he knows how much I use twitter and he only used it again when we started dating. So yeah this is a big deal for me. 

Funny thing is, he gets more beautiful every time I torture myself and look at a photo of him. His beautiful blue eyes, dark hair, dimples, his cheeky smile. I would do so much to get him back. I would pretend to not like him at all if that’s what it took. I just want him to speak to me. Ridiculous amounts. 

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance if neither of you have done wrong, and at some point were the light of each other’s lives. 

He doesn’t understand how much he meant to me, he was my first proper boyfriend. I fell in love with him. But since I wasn’t his first proper girlfriend then of course he doesn’t feel the same way. Which sucks completely when I think about it, but the thing is, I might not have been his first girlfriend, but I damn well was the best he’s had so far, and I hope he appreciates that, and misses me for that reason. 

I just don’t know. I seem to miss him more, and like him more, every day that we don’t speak.