I hadn’t gotten this feeling in a good month or so, and no I haven’t moved on, the complete opposite actually.
My ex never uses twitter, the last time he used it we were still talking, and that was over a month ago now, suddenly he started retweeting other people. As soon as I saw his name, my body just started doing things it would have done if I was going on a first date. The fizziness came rushing into my stomach, my breathing became much stronger, I was blushing. It’s not as though I’ve spoke to him, it’s just the fact that he knows how much I use twitter and he only used it again when we started dating. So yeah this is a big deal for me.
Funny thing is, he gets more beautiful every time I torture myself and look at a photo of him. His beautiful blue eyes, dark hair, dimples, his cheeky smile. I would do so much to get him back. I would pretend to not like him at all if that’s what it took. I just want him to speak to me. Ridiculous amounts.
I believe that everyone deserves a second chance if neither of you have done wrong, and at some point were the light of each other’s lives.
He doesn’t understand how much he meant to me, he was my first proper boyfriend. I fell in love with him. But since I wasn’t his first proper girlfriend then of course he doesn’t feel the same way. Which sucks completely when I think about it, but the thing is, I might not have been his first girlfriend, but I damn well was the best he’s had so far, and I hope he appreciates that, and misses me for that reason.
I just don’t know. I seem to miss him more, and like him more, every day that we don’t speak.
I can’t stop listening to this song, it’s the lyrics that say, “I can’t get over you, you left your mark on me, I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly” that keep circling in my head.
They’re probably the most relevant lyrics to me right now, I sort of went on a rant to myself earlier because my ex popped up on a social network with a status to do with Snapchat, something that one of his friends made him get. But I was thinking that if I was still with him, I’d be having so much fun with him with this app, and I started to reminisce on all the good times we had.
Our first date lasted about 12/13 hours, we just didn’t want to stop talking to each other. The same with the second, not as long but I was with him until I physically needed to go home because I was falling asleep. The third date we went on properly was a double date to mini golf, and it’s honestly the most fun I’d had in ages. My ex and I put a bet on, the loser had to do whatever the winner wanted for a whole week. I couldn’t think of anything but he chose a massage for every day.
So this is how it went… I was texting him the day before saying things like, “You don’t know what you’re in for”, or “I’m definitely going to win”. And he was going to be polite about it but because I was so competitive he decided to step up his game.
I got the first hole-in-one of the game, but then he got more than I did… and you know where this is going, he won. It was at the last few holes where he decided to get all touchy-feely with me, and I got all giddy. I had never been so smiley in my entire life. Even though I was losing, I was honestly having the best time of my life just being competitive with him. And since he won, he said look if you give me one amazing back massage I will let you off for the rest of the week, so that was good with me.
After mini-golf the guys were hungry so we went to the closest pub to get some drinks and food, my ex usually doesn’t share but he let me have a few chips and an onion ring which was nice of him, but we joked about being a proper couple and as though we’d been together for ages already and being all cute which I usually was not at all, my ex brought my cuteness out.
Once we’d finished I hopped down off the seat and my ex stood behind me with his hands on my waist, the electric current that ran through my body at that point was crazy. I felt butterflies all over my body, my knees were going weak. I just smiled and let him lead me by my waist to where he wanted us to go. We dropped the other couple with us off at their houses and my ex and I went a drive and to his house again to spend some time watching TV.
We just didn’t like going home early.
The day after our third date, I was working at a Media Festival in Glasgow which was our last day, so went out for a few pints with friends after we’d finished. I was texting my ex all day and he said that he’d come and pick us up and drop us where we wanted to be so I said, please? And he came to get me and my two friends. He dropped them off at Glasgow Central and then we went on a little drive due to my request.
We sat at a place called “car park in the sky”, it’s alright. And I was a tad drunk, just talking to him about normal things and then I was like, look I’ve been thinking about the whole us being a couple and I definitely feel ready for it, I feel comfortable with you. He seemed really happy with that, we kissed. That kiss felt incredible, my whole body succumbed to him, I was just so happy that this guy was officially my boyfriend and my first proper one at that.
I even asked him how to act because I didn’t understand relationships, he told me to be just the way I was, and I did.
I remember the smells from that night, how good he looked, how much we laughed and how happy we both were. It makes me sad and happy to think about it, but it’s definitely a good memory. I adore him for the way he treated me throughout our relationship, he was a proper gentleman.
It’s a shame things haven’t improved but I’m hoping they will, if we decide not to get back together then to stay as friends at least.
The Blood is Love. 